I don’t know if anybody even reads this anymore… but I’m going to go ahead and write anyways. I don’t know why its been so long since I have posted anything… I guess its been a busy semester and a really rough semester at that. I don’t think I fully understood just how hard nursing school was going to be until this semester. I knew it would be a challenge but I have never been this challenged with any type of schooling before. I don’t think I have ever felt so much in one semester, especially about school. It has weakened my immune system, messed up my stomach, given me anxiety and depression… Sometimes it is so hard to believe that it will be worth it in the end. Heck, I don’t even know if I will make it to the end. But you know what? I know that no matter what, God has things under control. I know he has my life in the palm of his hands and in the big scheme of eternity, these four years of college wont even matter someday, hopefully I wont even remember them!
I really have believed with all of my heart that I was born to be a nurse. I was born to care for people who need my help…. To heal the broken. While there was a calling on my life to be a nurse, there was an even more important calling on my life to be a missionary. To heal both physically and spiritually. To bring the love of Jesus to the nations through medical missions. I have come to realize that Godly nursing and theory nursing are two very different things. Of course I am going to a very secular school, and my schooling is teaching me how to be an RN in a hospital setting, which is not for me. I am trying to keep my eyes on the prize, and I know that if this is what I am meant to do, God will equip me with the tools to do it… It’s just hard believing that when I put everything into this and seem get nothing in return this semester. But hopefully that will change and things will turn around for me, because I have never had to face failure and nothing has ever made me feel dumber than nursing school. If it were my choice, maybe I wouldn’t keep going. But it’s not my choice; its Gods plan for my life. It’s for the glory of God and the furtherance of his kingdom that I am doing this and THAT is what keeps me going. I know he is there; I just need to believe it and constantly remind myself of that.