confessions (Disclaimer: this post has nothing to do with Usher.)

I have been pretty selfish these past few weeks. All I seem to be thinking about is myself. I’m thinking about the future and what I want to do and way too much of that has been planned around me and not around God. I have kind of been thinking less about God the past few weeks and more about me… and its left me feeling pretty empty and sucky inside. 

I kept feeling like something was missing, I havn’t been as happy as I usually am, something felt out of place. I think I just didn’t want to believe the reason for that was the lack of time spent with God and I was just stubborn and blamed it on other things. The other night I simply spent a little time in the word and in prayer and woke up the next morning feeling refreshed, realizing that I was created by God, for God. I’m not here to satisfy Christi’s life plans, I am here for Gods plans for my life. Cool thing about being a Christian: when you surrender your life to God, those two plans are the same ones. Gods desires become your own. It’s a wonderful feeling to know that God has plans better than those I have planned for myself. By giving my life to God, I am guaranteed the best of the best and how could I ask for more than that?

All that being said, as a human who just happens to have really big dreams and a bucket list thats probably twice my height, I do get caught up in myself and all that I want to do and see and feel and know and experience in this life. I really need to work on trusting that God will provide. That something great is in store, and I am so excited! I’m excited for life. To live… just to be living.

Working with the elderly every day is a constant reminder of how quickly time goes by, but sometimes it’s hard not to be in a big rush to get through with this college thing. I say this all the time and I have mentioned this multiple times throughout my posts… I even have a whole post about being unsatisfied. As you can see, this is a struggle so I need to write about it to remind myself. I have some awesome opportunities ahead of me and I’m going to cherish them and live them to their full potential, while listening to God and following his plan for my life.

Okay wow that was long and winded and scatter brained and could have simply been summed up in a few sentences… But if you know me, you also know that I babble... And I can write until I have said everything that I need to say.

So if you’re still reading, thanks! :) You got a little glimpse into the brain of Christi. Hope I didn’t scare you off!