Food For Thought

Have you ever been really upset about something but it was so bottled up, you didn’t even realize it upset you in the first place? Some people are probably agreeing with me and can relate, while others are wondering what the heck I am talking about.

So here’s what happened. At faith group the other night, a verse was shared from Psalm 37:4- “Delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” After we read the verse, we did a little exercise where we just wrote our first thoughts and impressions of the verse, no thinking just pure reaction. But Im a thinker. So I thought… and they weren’t very happy thoughts. You would think a verse from Psalms would enlighten, give peace and joy, especially this verse. God is telling us that if we delight in Him we will be given what we want! How awesome would that be? Notice the word “would” in that last sentence… I read that verse and I was filled with doubt. I mean come on. Could you honestly read that verse, go a week trying to delight in the Lord and expect to be given what you want? I dug deeper and I kept writing. I took myself out of the equation and thought of someone who really delights in the Lord. The person I thought about was my Nana. She is the strongest Christian woman I know. She devotes her entire life to the Lord, not just for her own wellbeing but also for the wellbeing of others. Her caring and always forgiving spirit makes her love for the Lord so obvious and it’s always been such a comfort. Then I thought about the desires of my grandmother’s heart- probably what the desires of any mothers heart- to see their children happy and successful. This is something my grandmother has not had with her daughter who has lived such a hard life and has been involved in a lot of terrible things, one of which has recently landed her in jail for a long time. Can you imagine how heartbreaking this is must be for her? Gods daughter… who delights herself in the Lord and has her entire life dedicated to serving Him and furthering His kingdom… and her only daughter is in jail.

I can’t tell you how angry this made me. How could this happen my grandmother? She is the last person in the whole world who deserves it. The last couple of years in particular, especially with family issues have been devastating, and now this. Honestly after being so worked up, I didn’t want to hear any more about this verse. I didn’t want to be encouraged. I didn’t want to hear what could come of this. I didn’t want to hear what any of the girls had to say in reaction to my story or the way I was feeling. Dont get me wrong, I value and treasure what these girls say Mostly because I am stubborn, and I just wanted to be mad. Mind you, most of you know I am not an angry person by ANY means. It takes a whole lot for me to be mad and I felt badly for feeling the way I did.

Its okay to be angry, or upset or mad about bad things that happen to good people. Most of the time it makes absolutely no sense at all, and most of the time it is undeserved. Truth is, we live in a pretty messed up world. Bad things are going to happen, but you know what makes that okay? We have an ever-forgiving God who will relieve us from our pain. Our struggles are His, and he LONGS to be near to us in our most painful moments. My grandmother has gone through Hell and back in her lifetime, but she has made it because of the power of God and his mighty hand of comfort. She still find a way to smile and persevere through the pain. I know God has a plan for my aunt, when she surrenders to Him she will find her way. I also know that someday, the pain my grandmother has sufferered through her whole life will be worth it, and I need to trust that she will indeed be given the desires of her heart. How? Because it is written in the Word of God. To underestimate the power of his mighty hand or the plans that he has for every single person who walks this earth is underestimating the creator of the universe. So wrong. 

“Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.” Romans 5:3-4

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, becase you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:2-4